Dear Congressman Tiangco,
Hi. We admit that you inject some much-needed sartorial spice into the drab and dreary halls of our legislature but you really need to stop shitting around. Think of all the grey suits you’ll ruin!
We’ve been up in the mountains so this is maybe a week late, but whatever happened to the (so-called) United Nationalist Alliance?
Apparently, Chiz Escudero, Loren Legarda, and Grace Poe-Llamanzares have all been dropped from the UNA senatorial slate. Gosh, guys. We know you guys are really busy being all congressman-ly, running the country to the ground and shit, so you probably don’t have time to brush up on the Oxford Dictionary but we don’t think you’re getting the “United” part correctly.
Don’t bother denying it, Rep. Tiangco, you said it yourself:
“It is clear that they have made up their minds. We need to move on.” [source]
Really liking the drama of that statement!!! It makes the UNA campaign manager sound like the bitter ex who was left at the altar and is trying to take the high road but would SO CLEARLY still jump at a happy reunion (on HIS terms, of course). Or like the little kid throwing a tantrum because it doesn’t want to share toys. (Of course, Rep. Tiangco’s metaphor for the whole thing is a girl who leads two boys on, which is fucking ridiculous because they agreed to the stupid set-up in the first place.)
Now we’ll be the first to say that all these “guest candidates” shenanigans are bullshit and nothing good will come out of it. So maybe it’s good that Chiz, Loren and Grace are finally firmly in Springfield, bathing in a warm yellow glow, but we like a good fight here in ANONG SHIT MO? and it just makes us sad that UNA is giving up. I mean, giving up Chiz, Loren and Grace, who are in the #1, #2, and #5 spots in the latest SWS survey…THAT’S JUST POLITICAL SUICIDE, GUYS.
We’re no political analyst, but they might as well just hand Team PNoy a gold star and 12 shiny seats already. Someone tell COMELEC that the May elections will not push through on account of the main opposition basically flopping over and asking begging to be steamrolled.
How did that go down in UNA HQ? “Guys, ilang beses nang ‘di sumisipot sina Chiz, Loren at Grace sa mga rally natin. Wala man lang public display of affection para satin! Ah ganun? MANIGAS SILA!” Vice President Jejomar Binay went so far as to issue an ultimatum to the three–make up your mind or leave. HAHAHA GREAT MOVE, SIR! Way to show ’em who’s in charge!
Way to repay your kingmaker, VP Binay! (brief review: Chiz Escudero was basically the “godfather” of the Noy-Bi movement during the 2010 elections)
The problem is that UNA was under the severely misguided impression that they would crawl back on their knees. Again:
Meanwhile, Chiz is off somewhere, flipping his hurr like no big deal whatevs, responding to it with:
“Ah, bad news ba yun?” [source]
OOOH, BURN LEVEL: CHIZ ESCUDERO! BOOM PAK! Grace and Loren both also released statements, but they kept it classy (aka boring) and were all like, aww thanks for having us guys, but if you don’t want us we’re totally cool with it coz it’s not like we needed you or whaevaaaa…
On the bright side: time to shine, Nancy Binay!!! Iyong iyo na ang spotlight! Seeing as both JV Ejercito and Jack Enrile are on their way out, due to the recent Commission on Audit report linking Senator Jinggoy Estrada and Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile in the unauthorized release of pork barrel funds to a bogus NGO. Which Cong. Tiangco was quick to point out was a “demolition job” by the LP to discredit UNA. Oh no no, that was hardly a “demolition job”–if anything, it was the LP playing with its food before swallowing it whole come May.
So, because we’re really wondering where their fucking head is at this crucial stage in the game, we must ask the United Nationalist Alliance:
ANONG SHIT NIYO?
***
*this originally started out as a love letter to the Honorable Gentleman from Navotas, but then we had more fun with UNA so we changed the title*
Anong Shit Mo? 
